There are only a few things in life where you can track the beginning, middle, and end of something: wedding planning, your current age, the school year, day time, night time. You know where you in relation to time. And those things are comforting. Say you set a goal for yourself to get something done by the end of the year — that is easily trackable.
But like I said, only a few things are that way. For the rest of the time we spend living, we know nothing of when things will start, when they will be halfway through, or when they will end. Sure, we can track one of those moments in time. We can know the beginning of a relationship, the end of job. But we can’t know when the middle is because rarely do we have the luxury of knowing when the end will be as the beginning is just starting. We might know the beginning of a relationship, but we won’t know it’s the end until the end has snuck up on us, unplanned and usually unwanted. Endings often do that.
We never know what will be our last hug to someone, the last time you walk out of a certain door, or the last time you drive down a familiar street. Life doesn’t give you little warnings by saying “Hey! You have 5 more days to wear this shirt, so enjoy it.” And sometimes you purposefully plan the end of something, only to later discover it wasn’t the end after all.
Sometimes I think control is only an illusion — something we make up to make ourselves feel better about the absolute chaos surrounding us. Beginnings happen quickly, as well as ends, without our say so. We can pretend to say “This is the last time I will ever talk to this person” or “I will never leave this place”, but rarely do we have such control. Life just happens.
I can say this is the beginning of my new blog. I can’t tell you when the middle will be, nor can I in this moment tell you the end. Which is kind of exciting, isn’t it? Who knows what adventures will happen! I suppose it’s time to get busy and find out.
“Whether this is my end, or a new beginning, I have no way of knowing. I have given myself over into the friends of strangers. I have no choice. It can’t be helped. And so I step up into the darkness within… or else the light.” – June, The Handmaid’s Tale, Season 1, Ep. 10